Last week while I was on Facebook, I read a quote by Iyanla Vanzant about relationships. She stated that, “When we lose a loved one to death or end a long-term relationship, it is perfectly normal to grieve. When we do not grieve, we get stuck. We owe it to ourselves and the memory of the relationship to grieve and cleanse our soul. ”
After my last relationship I totally agree with this quote, and feel like I have been stuck for a while. I have my days where I must know why, why did he do what he did, why did he lie to me, why did I not see this coming, what did I do wrong? I could go on for days with the questions I have. Thinking of these questions has caused me to be resentful, and be angry at times. I have finally come to accept the fact that I will never truly know the answer to these questions no matter how long I think about them. Plus, thinking of them is not doing me any good, it is only causing me pain and anger.
While, reading day 3 of Rick Warren’s the Purpose Driven Life I can identify with the areas that he states can drive your life. One of these areas is anger and resentment. So because I have never grieved for my failed relationship I am causing myself more harm than good, and going in to a direction I do not wish to go. I do not want to spend my life being motivated by the anger and resentment that has been motivating in the past few months. So in order to truly be motivated by the right things and fulfill the purpose God has for me, there are some things I need to accept and change.
The first thing is to accept that I will never know the answers to my questions, and even if I did would it truly change me for the better? Would it help me move on from the relationship? Probably not, the answers would probably cause me more pain. I know accepting this will not be an easy process, but in order to move forward I must mourn this relationship and cleanse my soul. I am willing to do this so I can be the person God wants me to be, and to work towards my purpose in life.
What are the driving forces in your life? What do you want to be the driving forces in your life?