Master can you use….

When I was younger there was a song that said master can you use me. I used to wonder back then what could he use me for.  Here I am 33 years old and still wondering what could God possibly use me for. Little old sinful me? Here lately I have come to realize that there will never be a perfect time in my life, and that maybe God has been showing me all along what my purpose is.

You see I have been writing ever since I could remember.  I used to write in my journal, write short stories,  and I have several unfinished novels that I have started. I have always been unsure about my writing and usually just shared with my family and friends. But as I sit here thinking what if this is my purpose in life,  what if this is what I was put here for? How can I possibly help anyone if I am afraid to write, and afraid to share. Even with my blogging I have been afraid to write especially when I am struggling.

I have been wrestling with God for the longest. You see I have trouble letting go and completely trusting him. I’ll trust him for a little while and then I’ll go back and try to fix my own situation. It wasn’t until I heard one of my family members talking about me that I realized what I was actually doing. I had been doing so well and then money problems came along for a little while I left it in God’s hands, but then I took it back and tried to fix it my way. It’s amazing how it’s so easy to trust God when everything is going good, but the moment that one thing goes wrong we forget what all he bought us through and lean to our own understanding and plans.

I thank God for his grace and mercy for without it I don’t know where I would be. But because of it I can come and say Lord I messed up please forgive me. I am so glad that I don’t have to be perfect for God to use me, just willing!!!

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