Testimony

This morning in the Hello Mornings 1 John bible study, one of the questions talked about a testimony, and if we had shared ours. I have not shared my testimony with many people and thought I would today. 

I grew up in a household where God and Jesus was talked about daily, but I never really truly knew him for myself until recently. A few months ago I felt as if my world was collapsing. I was suffering from severe anxiety and depression. It was so bad that just getting out of the bed was a chore. I spent most of my time in my bed angry at the world, and depressed. Then in the mist of all this I found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me numerous time, and we ended up going through a messy breakup. This really broke my heart because he was the last person I thought would do this, and it turns out I did not really know him at all. It is true what they say, God will knock you down in order to get your attention. 

You would think that after all this I would have run to God and given him my life. I did run to him but I did not give him complete control. Instead I choose to still do my own thing and try to fix things my way. Needless to say it did not work, I continued to wrestle with God for control over my life, until it finally hit me that I can not do this alone. None of the progress I have made was because of myself, but rather through God. I am a totally different person than I was about 6 or 7 months ago. Anxiety and depression no longer rule my life, and I am learning  that the single life is a great time to get closer to God, and prepare to be a wife. The most important thing that I have learned from my journey is that walking with God is not a one day decision, but an everyday battle that we can only win by sticking with him. 

Back

Good morning.  I know it has been awhile since I have written a post,  but some positive things have been happening. God has really been working in my life if you knew me six months ago you would be surprised at the changes I have made. I’m not saying I am perfect but I am definitely changed for the better.

One of the changes that has been made in my life is constantly being exposed to God’s word on a daily basis. About 2 months ago I joined a group called hellomornings.org to take part in a free bible study on Ruth. I must admit I had no expectations on doing this study, but God’s plan was different not only did I finish the study but I am not an accountability coach leading a group of ladies through a study.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that little old depressed,  anxious,   broken,  damaged, and lost me would have been here. I mean six months ago  getting out of bed without crying was a chore, but here I am up at 544 am ready to spend time with God and hopefully bless someone with my story and my struggles.
I pray that this helps someone and I hope you will check out hellomornings.org and join us as we study 1 John.

Till next time

Purpose Driven Life Day 3

Last week while I was on Facebook, I read a quote by Iyanla Vanzant about relationships.  She stated that, “When we lose a loved one to death or end a long-term relationship, it is perfectly normal to grieve. When we do not grieve, we get stuck. We owe it to ourselves and the memory of the relationship to grieve and cleanse our soul. ”

After my last relationship I totally agree with this quote, and feel like I have been stuck for a while. I have my days where I must know why, why did he do what he did, why did he lie to me, why did I not see this coming, what did I do wrong? I could go on for days with the questions I have. Thinking of these questions has caused me to be resentful, and be angry at times. I have finally come to accept the fact that I will never truly know the answer to these questions no matter how long I think about them. Plus, thinking of them is not doing me any good, it is only causing me pain and anger.

While, reading day 3 of Rick Warren’s the Purpose Driven Life I  can identify with the areas that he states can drive your life. One of these areas is anger and resentment. So because I have never grieved for my failed relationship I am causing myself more harm than good, and going in to a direction I do not wish to go. I do not want to spend my life being motivated by the anger and resentment that has been motivating in the past few months. So in order to truly be motivated by the right things and fulfill the purpose God has for me, there are some things I need to accept and change.

The first thing is to accept that I will never know the answers to my questions, and even if I did would it truly change me for the better? Would it help me move on from the relationship? Probably not, the answers would probably cause me more pain.  I know accepting this will not be an easy process, but in order to move forward I must mourn this relationship and cleanse my soul. I am willing to do this so I can be the person God wants me to be, and to work towards my purpose in life.

What are the driving forces in your life? What do you want to be the driving forces in your life?

 

November

Today my  heart is really heavy. Usually around this time I would have been planning to celebrate my ex boyfriend’s birthday.  I have tried my hardest to avoid thinking about it, but the harder I the more I think about it. Im not sure if he even notices that  not there to celebrate with him,  and its probably best that I don’t.  I know that my time in his life is over and that the purpose of us being together has been served. But that still doesn’t stop be from missing him.  Actually I’m not sure if I miss him or miss the idea of having someone.  I think its a combination of both even though he hurt me deeply. I’ve forgiven him, and it us definitely time for me to let it go. In order for me to get what God has for me I must look forward and let go. I have faith that God has the perfect husband for me that will be everything I have prayed for and more.

So yes November may have been the month we celebrated your birthday but its time for me  to make new memories,  and focus on fulfilling  God’s plan for me. So, this November and each November going forward I have something new to celebrate. This is the month I rededicated my heart, mind, and  soul to God.  So I will be celebrating my anniversary of my relationship with God. Im so excited to see where this relationship takes me, and the best part is I know that no matter what I go through God will not hurt me, leave me, forsake me, lie to me, cheat on me etc.

I know that talking about God and my relationship with him may run some people off, and for once I dont care about people getting mad, offended, or annoyed with this. All I know is the creator of the world is over joyed to have me totally focused on him.

I hope that some of you will join me on this journey and feel free to follow along, comment,  etc. I pray that God gives me the strength to grow on this journey.  To my blog challenge group I want you to know you guys have been such a blessing and encouragement to me.

My heart is no longer heavy its excited.  Thank you lord

Struggle

I grew up hearing pray about it and give it to God when I had a problem oor was worrying about something.   This was the hardest thing for me tto do. I would pray a half  hearted prayer and continue to prepare for the worse. My heart and faith was never in it. My problem was I confused putting faith in people and God as being the same thing.  People will disappoint you and leave you heartbroken God on the other hand will show up right on time and leave you in amazement of what hes done.

I did not  truly experience this until I truly let God have my problems and my heart. This is still hard for me because I have been a hard core worry for most of my life. But when I feel catch myself doing this I stop and pray and ask God for strength.  A prayer does not have to be a 30 minute long, it can be something as simple as Lord give me strength.  For some reason I’ve always had this thought that prayer had to be something exquisite and formal, which made me very intimidated of prayer. Now I approach it as if I am talking to a friend and pouring my heart out. I find myself talking to God more often. I have always been better at communicating through writing. So I thought why not write letters to God. What im trying to say is we should all try whats works for us in our prayer life. Think of God as a friend, father, and confidant who only wants the best for you. Don’t be afraid to talked to him about anything or just say thanks.

I must warn you that everything will not change over night and living for God will be a constant struggle. So be prepared and fine a good support system, and enjoy the ride. Till next time. . …

Church yesterday

Church yesterday was so good, and to think I almost missed. I woke up extremely early yesterday and went back and forth on weather or not I would go. I texted my brother who works at the church to find out the time for the early morning service.  I also called to talk to my mom by the time I hung up with my mom it was 830 and I was starving.  Before I got up out of bed I asked God for strength to make it. With amazing energy (thanks God) I got dressed and made it to service.

It was an awesome service im so glad I made it. They are currently doing a series,  which I think is called the war of the Kings cant remember.  I wont post everything he said but I will ho over the things that touch me the most.
Idolatry can be blind admeration for something. Just think about what you spend the majority of your time doing. Are you obsessed with it? Does it prevent you from spending time with God? I am guilty of this ive worshipped relationships,  tv shows,  shopping, people, and so many other things I never realized I worshipped. 

Another thing that really stuck with me is his statement about 18 inches, and its not what u think. “Don’t let 18 inches send you to hell.” There is 18 inches between your head and your heart. How many timea have you sone something because you thought it was the right thing to do but your heart wasnt in it? Im guilty of this also? I got baptised because it was the right thing to do. I got saved because it was the right think but my heart wasn’t in it. I am so glad that things have changed and that my brain and heart are both in. I try to show this in my everyday life.  Just remember people are watching you and your lifestyle and attitude couls affect how a stranger, your family, and others perceive God and Christianity in general.

Till next time guys.

If you are interested in hearing rhis sermon it is available online.
http://family-grace.com

Learning from our mistakes

Today when I asked my son to get something for me our of my room I had to catch myself because I almost said from Kerry (my ex boyfriend) side of the bed. I know that I have made many of mistakes in my walk with God and that I sometimes make things so much harder for myself by disobeying God. When my last relationship ended I had a very hard time getting over it. You see I am pretty hard headed and want to do things my way instead of the way God tells us to do. So instead of saving myself for my husband, and putting my trust in God, I put my trust in a man and was playing house. Even though I knew this was wrong I continued to do it because it felt good, and it helped ease my fear that I would be by myself for ever. Of course this eventually unraveled and instead of trying to do what I normally do and fix things according to what I think is right I went back to the only one I knew I could totally trust God!

Looking back on my past mistakes I see that I made numerous mistakes and made life harder on myself.  I caused myself a lot of heartbreak and problems that could have been avoided if I had just listen to God and quit running. So, if you are wondering if I learned my lesson this time? Let me be the first to tell you that yes little old hard headed me has finally learned my lesson. I am working everyday to put my faith, and trust in God. I am also taking time away from relationships to work on myself and focus on rebuilding my relationship with God because I’ve learned in order for me to have a successful, healthy, God centered relationship with my mate, I need to make sure that my relationship with God is solid. By no means has this been easy, as a matter of fact I think the past few weeks may have been the hardest weeks of my life. But I can also state that I have never felt as much peace and happiness, as I have since I have chosen to give all my problems, worries, love, and heart to God. If anyone else is going through the same thing, or just need a friend to talk to, please leave me a comment or feel free to send me an email. Till next time.